


Something that made you happy

by meryswanhook



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, darkones, pillowtalk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 09:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20337865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meryswanhook/pseuds/meryswanhook
Summary: Emma and Killian have a talk about their time being Dark Ones. Missing scene at the beginning of s6.





	Something that made you happy

Everything was quiet. And dark. It was late in the night, not a sound could be heard. The car was parked in front of the big Victorian house with a white picket fence. There was not a light on. In the master room, Emma and Killian were lying in the bed, legs entangled, sheets almost on the floor. Naked bodies pressed together, Killian’s arms secured protectively around Emma’s waist, her head on his chest. They couldn’t sleep. They’ve barely had a few hours of sleep the days before, both with dark thoughts in their minds. Not long ago, Killian returned from the Underworld, something that both of them thought impossible when Emma had to leave him in that elevator, the kiss on the back of her hand still lingering there, like a ghost remembering them that their lives were messed. Then, he fell through a portal and Emma was sure he was going to die. Again. But they were reunited. And now, there was some destiny written for her, a sentence for all the Saviors, a reminder that they are not safe, they have never been, and they will never be. She’s tried to avoid it, not to think about it, find something to beat that, but at the end she’s accepted it. And if she was going to die, she wanted to live her last days to the fullest, with the people she loved the most, and those people were Henry and Killian. Killian. Her pirate boyfriend, someone who she could trust, who was always by her side, her True Love. the one who almost died. Scratch that out, who died because of her more than once. She looked at him. He had dark circles under his eyes, that were a dark side of blue, the color of a storm in the sea. His skin was pale, his hair a mess, sticking in every direction. His eyes were focused on some point on the wall on the other side of the room.

“What’s on your mind, love?” he asked. He saw in the corner of his eye how her head tilted in his direction, her gaze analyzing him.

“I almost lost you. I fact, you died, 3 times” Killian moved his head, blue eyes in green eyes, and a sad expression appeared in his face. Without thinking, he hugged her closer, closing his eyes for a second.

“I know, and I hate that you had to go through that” he looked at her again, sincerity in his eyes.

“Just… don’t leave me again. Ever.”

“I won’t. I intend to be by your side for a very long time.”

“Good” was her only answer, a little smile growing in her lips. Emma snuggled closer to him, head again on his chest.

“I told you, Swan, I’m a survivor.”

“I’ve seen that with my own eyes, and I’m glad it’s true, but it’s something I don’t need you to prove again” he held her closer, holding her hand that was resting in his waist, and kissed her hair with affection. After that, they were in silence for a couple of minutes, their breathing the only sound in the house. Emma looked at Killian again, that sad, preoccupied and concentrated face again. Something was going on in his mind, and he wasn’t the one who didn’t share his thoughts, that was her.

“And what about you? What’s troubling you?” she asked, tilting her head back, looking straight to Killian’s eyes.

“You.”

Emma understood what he meant with only that word. She closed her eyes, sighing, and her face grew serious. She didn’t regret telling Killian her little secret, but at the same time she hoped he didn’t know about it so he wasn’t worried about her all the time. She didn’t want that. She only wanted to be with him.

“I can’t lose you, Emma, and I won’t. I intend to fight for you and keep you by my side. I don’t care what that child in the woods, or that Aladdin told you. You are not going to die. We will find a way to save you”

“I don’t want to think in my immediate future. I want to be with you, Killian. And if I’m going to die, I want to share every living moment with you.”

“Don’t say that. We will find a way. We will have our happy ending.” Emma didn’t say anything. She wanted to believe Killian, she wanted that happy ending he had been talking about since Camelot, but her insecure and pessimistic side wouldn’t let her. And most important, she didn’t want to break that hope he had, so she just hugged him, enjoying their naked bodies pressed together, sharing little kisses from time to time.

“I’m sorry” he broke the silence again, pain latched to his words.

“For what?” she moved, now lying in her tummy, her chin resting in his chest and her eyes in his. Emma felt the insecurity in his words, and she knew this was a deep conversation, more than just apologizing.

“For everything I’ve done, for everything I’ve said.” Killian never broke her gaze, his apologies honest, memories of those last weeks vivid in his mind. That was the first time they really talked about their feelings and what happened. With everything that had been going on, Emma’s fate and Hyde messing around, they haven’t had a lot of quiet times where they could really talk. Less than a week ago, Killian moved to the Victorian house, the one he chose for them -not that he didn’t spend a few nights there before- and they were more eager to enjoy the other and get carried away by the passion. But it was time to open their hearts, it was necessary if they wanted to spend their lives together. There has been so much hurt, so much pain, so many things had happened which needed to be taken care of.

It wasn’t easy for Emma to talk about her feelings, it took time, but she was ready. She trusted Killian, and she needed to be honest with him. This time it was difficult for Killian too, knowing that because of him, Emma suffered a lot. They both had failed the other.

“It wasn’t you, Killian”

“But it was me. It was me talking, it’s how I felt, and even though I regret what I said, I can’t deny it was me. I said horrible things to you, Emma, and I really hope you can forgive me, even if I don’t deserve it.”

“Do you think I would have gone to the Underworld to save you if I hadn’t forgiven you, if I didn’t want you?” she sat straight, moving away from Killian and sitting in front of him, facing each other. She crossed her legs and gentle, she took Killian’s hand.

“And I still don’t know what I’ve done to have your love” he caressed her hand with his thumb, sweetness in his voice, looking at her as if she were an angel.

“Stop saying that, stop thinking you don’t deserve me, don’t think so low about yourself. You’ve changed. You are no longer the man you used to be. I can see the light in you, and you have to learn to see it too.” Emma understood him, she really did. She used to think like him, she didn’t think of her as someone worthy, but thanks to him, she now did, and she couldn’t stand listening to his words, thinking he wasn’t enough. He was the man who has made her better and he really needed to see what she saw in him.

“I may have changed, but it only took a couple of minutes for me to turn into that evil, selfish man filled with hate and rage. You were the Dark One longer than I was, and you didn’t surrender to the darkness. I did.”

“We already had this conversation in the Underworld, Killian, and you wanted to come back here, to be the man you want to be, because you know you can, you are that man. We are humans, babe. We all have our flaws. It’s the way we act about them what makes us good or bad. And you made mistakes, and so did I, but you overcame them. There’s a clear difference between you and another villain. You regret what you did, it was a moment of weakness, but at the end you acted upon it and you won. You saved us all.”

Killian stayed quiet for a second, thinking about what Emma just said, never breaking their eye contact. She was amazing. It was difficult to win her heart, but once achieved it, she was the most caring woman he had ever met. And it hurt him knowing that he hurt her.

“I said that I didn’t love you, that you made me feel like nothing, like you were controlling me, and I yelled at you and betrayed you. How can you forgive that?” how could she, if he couldn’t forgive himself for that? What on earth was he thinking, if Emma was the reason his days were shiny, and he wasn’t that selfish pirate anymore?

“I’m not going to lie. It hurt. A lot. Hearing those things killed me. It felt like you were clenching my heart, but I know it wasn’t you talking. It was the Dark One, the darkness inside you, and I forgave you the moment you decided to end the darkness by giving your life. The light inside you was fighting the darkness, and your love for me won. You’ve won your place here and your forgiveness. If not, Zeus wouldn’t have brought you back here. You are where you belong, by my side.”

He would blame himself forever, she knew that, like he did about his life as a pirate and how badly he behaved with her when they first met. She really wanted him to see what she saw in him, the man she fell in love with, but it takes time to love and accept yourself, she still had problems with that, and she was going to make sure that he would accept that. There was someone who loved him with her whole heart.

“It felt like I was drowned back to those days” he didn’t say more, and his eyes were again focused somewhere in the wall at her back. Emma looked at him with questions in her eyes but not asking anything, letting him tell her everything at his own pace. “When I was a pirate and I only looked after myself. It reminded me of the hatred that invaded me when my father abandoned us. The pain I felt when my mother died. I was a little boy and she was everything to me and now I barely remember her. The pain and rage when I lost Liam or when the crocodile killed Milah. I have had lots of losses and being the Dark One, I don’t know, I felt everything all over again, like it was happening again, and I blamed you. All those bad moments I somehow buried, were again on the surface, stronger than ever” at that point he was crying, thick and lonely tears streaming down his cheeks. Killian lifted his head to Emma again, looking into her eyes with sorry. She was serious now, a straight line on her lips seeing Killian crying, all because of her. She moved, sitting next to his leg, her own above his and she hugged him, burying her head in his bare chest, holding him tight.

“I’m sorry” she mumbled, her own tears forming in her eyes.

“Don’t. I understand why you did it.”

“But you asked me not to. I was selfish.”

“You were human.” he stroked her hair, shutting his eyes close to avoid the tears from falling. He had to be strong, strong for Emma, she needed it more than he did.

“I was weak and selfish. I didn’t care about what could happen to you, or to anyone, if you became the Dark One. I didn’t listen to you, although you were begging me to let you go. I didn’t care about the effect it could have on you.”

He placed his hand and hook on her cheeks, making her to look him in the eye “No, love. You did something wrong with good reasons. What hurt the most was knowing I was leaving you alone again, that you were still the Dark One and that I couldn’t save you. And then again in the Underworld, after you found me, I was abandoning you again. Saying goodbye to you in that elevator was the most painful thing I’ve ever done.”

“And killing you with Excalibur the most I had to do.” she mumbled “I don’t want to lose you, Killian.”

“And you won’t. I won’t leave your side, ever. Only if you ask for it.”

“I won’t ever do that. I love you so much. You are a good man, Killian”

“I don’t feel like it. Not after everything that’s happened”

“Killian…” she warned with worried eyes. He took her hand in his and smiled.

“No, love, let me finish. I know you are going to argue about me being a hero and I appreciate it, but it will take time. Right now, I feel like a villain again, like the pirate I once was, and I can only think that I’ve hurt you. I’ve felt the pain and sadness again, of when I used to drown in rum, not taking care of anything or anyone. And I want to make that right. I want to look after you and ensure your future, that you live a long and happy life.”

“A life with you?” Emma interrupted Killian with a shy smile, confessing what she really wanted, her hopes for their future.

“If you wish, then aye, a life with me. A life together. And from now on, I will work to become the man I want to be, the man you see in me and the man you deserve.” he caressed her cheek, his thumb in her lips, just exploring with his hand her little face. She leaned into his hand, feeling his love in that little movement and kissed his wrist.

“You already are that man.” she whispered, looking him in the eye. Emma believed in him, had faith that he was far from the pirate and she wished with her whole heart that he saw that too.

“Hush, love. Let me make this right” he said, moving his index finger to the middle of her rosy lips. She smiled and nodded, then she laid again on the mattress with her head on his chest and her leg thrown over his hip. She moved her fingers through his chest hair, drawing patterns on his skin.

“I wish that would happen” Emma broke the silence. Killian looked at her with a brow raised “that future with you. But we both know it won’t happen”

“Swan, don’t say that”

“No, Killian, listen to me” she interrupted him. Emma couldn’t look him in the eye. She wasn’t afraid of dying, she was afraid of leaving everyone behind “if the visions I have are true, I will fight the Final Battle and die. And when that happens, I need you to look after Henry. Promise me you will do that, that you won’t seek revenge and put your life in danger”

“I can’t promise you that, love. I love Henry and I will make sure he is okay, and I will take care of him, but I can’t stay still knowing some villain has killed you, that she is still there”

“Remember our promises in the Underworld? That I wouldn’t wear my walls again and you would move on? You must do that. You can’t spend another 300-years wanting revenge as you did with Milah. You have to live your life, do what you love and be with the people you care about”

“You are my life; you are what I love, and you are who I care about. And I can promise you one thing, you are not going to die. Heroes always win, you deserve your happy ending more than anyone, that’s why you are not dying” Emma sighed but didn’t speak her mind out. Killian was an optimistic, he was willing to fight anyone for her, but Emma was realistic and knew life wasn’t fair, that only because she ‘deserves’ something life wasn’t going to do so. However, she didn’t want to argue with him about that, not tonight. She even wanted to think that maybe he was right. So, Emma decided to change the topic.

“Tell me something that used to make you happy” Killian moved his head towards her, a puzzled expression in his face. She laughed “a thing that made you smile when something bad happened when you were a kid.”

Killian didn’t hesitate for even a second “Strawberry cake” a smile grew in his lips “my mum used to make it. I was a little kid, but I still remember the smell of it, how it looked. You could eat it with your eyes, but when you had a taste of it… it was heavenly. My mum was a really good baker and when we were sad, or something bad happened, she made it because she knew that my brother and I loved it.”

Emma tried to picture that image in her head. She didn’t know how Killian looked when he was a child, but she imagined a tiny boy with the same eyes she had now and a messy hair. She could picture a big smile and the kindness in his actions. She could see a boy with so much joy that was taken away from him too young. Nevertheless, that little boy was still inside Killian, he came to the surface when he was with her, when they were having a good time. Then, the big grin he must’ve had when he was a kid appeared and his joy was contagious.

“Your mum must’ve been amazing” she kindly whispered.

“She was. And she would have loved you” he kissed her forehead and pressed his cheek to it with a sight.

“I would have loved to meet her”. Killian had told her lots of things about his mum, how she looked, her delicate manners and her kindness.

“And what about you, love? What made you happy?” he asked.

“You know I didn’t have pies or cakes when I was little. You know my childhood wasn’t happy. I used to cry every night to sleep and I didn’t smile much” Emma felt Killian’s hug tighter and she relaxed. She could trust him, he was the one who made her life better “but every day, on my way back from school, I crossed paths with this old lady. Her husband was dead, and her kids had their own kids, so she lived alone with her dog. And every day they would go for a walk. At the same hour, and the same road. So, every time we would sit on a bench and she would tell me stories while I played with her dog. The dog was lovely and was always licking my hands and my face and it tickled me. That was the highlight of my day, I always had fun with that lady and her dog. Even sometimes she would bring me chocolate. She always said that it was for her if she grew hungry while she walked, but I always ended up eating the whole thing myself.”

“So, dogs and chocolate bars are your happy place”

“You are my happy place” Emma confessed, not breaking eye contact. There was so much honesty in her words that Killian couldn’t resist kissing her with force and passion. He held her even closely and Emma pressed her fingers to his arms for stability, even though they were lying. The broke the kiss searching for air “but if you give me puppies and chocolate and onion rings and food, I’m even more happy” she added making them laugh.

\--------------------------------

A few days later Killian came home from the docks. Emma was already there, her red leather jacket hanging in the closet and her boots thrown away in the hallway. He chuckled. Being organized wasn’t in her vocabulary.

“Love?” he called walking towards the kitchen, following a smell he knew so well.

“Kitchen!” she shouted back only to see Killian standing by the doorstep with an amazed expression. She smiled, a cute little smile. In the kitchen table was a strawberry cake. The table and the countertop were a mess, there was flour everywhere. There was even some in Emma’s face and clothes. “I made this for you” she said shyly. Killian was in front of Emma in two steps, hugging her tightly and kissing her fiercely.

“I love you so much. Thank you for doing this” he whispered, tears in his eyes. He was so lucky to have found someone like Emma, someone that wanted to make him smile, and he loved her so much for that. Killian was in his happy place, same as Emma.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m back! I’ve had this one shot for so long in my head. I felt that there was a scene like this one missing in the show. One where they talked about their feelings and everything that happened when they were Dark Ones. The idea of this fic was different, the main idea was the ending, the ‘something that made you happy’ and when I started writing this, I wrote all this angst and well… it fits. I hope you liked it 😊


End file.
